Threesome
by Remenants
Summary: FemShep/Garrus/Tali It's not what you think it is...honest. One-Shot.


Threesome

Mass Effect is Bioware and EA

"I don't understand why you're so upset about this Miranda." Jacob said. "After all, this was YOUR idea."

Miranda just glared at Jacob.

"You wanted it to be you, didn't you? You and me with Shepard?"

"Well why not?" Miranda said. "We're all human, we'd be able to do this together without any interference, and it would be the most comfortable for all of us."

"Shepard made her choices, and we're not part of it." Jacob said staring at the elevator display. "You should be flattered that she considered you idea at all. A lot of people would have found it unnatural."

"It's perfectly acceptable in Asari culture and regularly practiced there…on occasion." She looked at Jacob. "Anyway, I'd thought you'd be all for it. Seeing as you'd be the only man involved in this."

Jacob shook his head. "Can't say I haven't thought of it now and again." The door opened to the mess deck and the pair got out. "But when you actually try and do it, you just feel weird and chicken out."

Miranda sighed in defeat. "You'd think she'd at least trust us a little more. How many times do we need to get shot at by Cerberus cells for her to let us in?"

Jacob shrugged. "This is one of the most intimate things a person can do with another, let alone two people." They entered the medbay where Dr. Chakwas was talking to Samara and Mordin. They paused when the two operatives entered.

"Oh good," Dr. Chakwas said. "You here to help videotape this madness?"

"It might be useful." Miranda said. "You never know what a person can learn from video tape."

"So where are they?"

"They are in the observation deck, undergoing the meditation exercises I suggested for them. It will help them…relax and be able to withstand what is to come."

"Fascinating practice. Only done once before. Preparation a must." Mordin said working on a screen. "Possibilities of danger. Severe physical trauma. Mental damage too."

"So," Miranda said, still a little bitter. "You two will monitor them why they try this and Samara will…join in where she can, or does she start this whole thing off?"

"I will just be the one who initializes the connection between the three, what happens next should happen naturally." The justicar said.

"As long as Shepard doesn't end up killing herself doing this." Miranda shook her head. "You know I didn't really suggest this. She just took my idea and ran with it."

"Miranda's just a little angry because Shepard is doing this with Garrus and Tali."

"Do I detect a bit of jealousy?" Dr. Chakwas said smiling. "My dear, you may have the ability and the body to withstand this, but Shepard's not one who looks for that."

"Physical attributes secondary. Connection important. Would join in myself if possible. Too old. Not one for…" He took a deep breath. "experimentation."

"I feel that Shepard chose wisely. This is something that physical ability has less importance then the trust between the participants does." Samara said. "Shepard trusts Tali'Zorah and Garrus Vakarian to a level that humbles me. That is why this will be a beautiful experience."

"Not as beautiful as you might think Samara." Shepard said entering the medlab. "Good chance this could get downright ugly."

"You are ready then?" Samara said.

"Yeah. No sense delaying this." She looked at the assembled crowd. "Everyone not actually participating in this, leave. Now." The commander pointed at the door. "You'll get to see everything on the recording later."

Miranda, Jacob, Mordin, and Dr. Chakwas quietly exited the room.

"That means you too Legion." Tali said at the door to the AI core. The door opened and the Geth platform quietly exited the room.

"Alright EDI." Shepard said. "Get this room ready, we already pushed three medical beds together."

"Understood Commander." The door sealed, and the windows tinted, in order to give the four some privacy. Then there was a hiss of air, a rushing fan, and then another hiss. "The room has been decontaminated of 98.24% pathogens."

"I'm still probably going to be sick for a week." Tali said as she removed her mask and laid down on one of the medical beds. "But it'll be worth it…I hope."

"Are you sure you want to do this Shepard?" Garrus asked, touching her shoulder. "I mean…it's alright if you say know."

Shepard put her forehead against Garrus' and smiled. "I'm sure, now quit stalling. The sooner we start, the faster we can make this go."

"I thought the whole part of this kind of thing was to make it last as long as possible. You know, really explore each other." Garrus said.

"Ugh. Keelah." Tali moaned. "You know, you make this sound like we do this every day Garrus. Could you at least treat this event with some seriousness?"

"What?" Garrus said lying down. "A dashing renegade vigilante lying down on a bed with two beautiful, if incredibly dangerous, women at each side? I think I'm treating this with the respect and dignity any male would give it."

"You…you…"

"I think the word is bosh'tet." Samara said, smiling slightly.

"Trust me, that's not NEARLY accurate enough for him." Tali said.

"You know your nose wrinkles when you get mad." Garrus said.

"Enough, Garrus." Shepard said. She put a hand on Tali's shoulder. "You know you don't have to do this. I just…I thought you'd want to be involved in this because you're…important to me. I trust you Tali, and I thought this would be better if we had another one to experience this."

"Thank you Shepard." Tali said. "As I said, I want to do this. If there's anyone I would even think of trying this out with, it would be you…Captain." The Quarian smiled and then frowned. "Although I can think of a hundred better partners than HIM."

"I care for you too Miss Vas Normandy." Garrus said. "Seriously."

"I know…but you're still a Pach'ana."

"Fair enough,"

"Alright. Enough with the pre-show." Shepard said as she lay down and stretched out on the medical bed. "Ready when you are Samara."

"Of course Shepard." The justicar said.

"You know it occurs to me." Shepard said smiling as she readied her self. "This could seem very wrong to a certain kind of person."

"What kind?" Garrus asked.

"Joker." Shepard, Tali, and Samara said at the same time.

"Why? What would he mistake this for?" Garrus asked.

"You are definitely a Pach'ana…" Tali mumbled.

"Okay, okay. Enough." Shepard said. "This isn't going to be nice guys…do it Samara."

"Very well, I'll start by preparing Shepard…relax…and embrace eternity."

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here bobblehead?" Jack asked, when she found Tali sleeping on her cot. "I go up for a little food and no-"

"Please be quiet Jack." Tali said. "I have a massive headache, I'm running a temperature, I've vomited twice, my sinuses are filled with a substance I can't identify, and I haven't slept. I need some place dark and quiet."

Jack just rolled her eyes. "What, you stay up all night screwing those two idiots who work for you?"

"No, not those two."

Jack was not one who was usually shocked by things. Normally because she had done almost everything shockable, but this one actually caused her eyebrows to go up. "You? Little Miss Sweetness with a Shotgun? You got someone to shine your bobblehead for you?"

"Not so loud."

She chuckled and actually found herself with a pang of sympathy. She knew full well the pain of a Really Interesting Night. "Okay okay," She said softly. "But you gotta tell me, or else I hurl you into Grunt's room, who'd you mess around with?"

"Shepard and Garrus."

"WHAT?!"

"Not so loud, please!"

"No…no way. You are not telling me that you actually screwed the boss AND Vakarian at the same time? Damn…girl's more twisted than I thought!"

"WHAT?!" Tali sat up and then regretted it. "Ugh, no no. All we did was lay down on a bed together while Sarama he-"

"So the Asari was involved as well? Damn, is the boss one of those who can't get off unless they're boldly coming where no gal has-"

"Jack!" Tali said. "Do you know what the Cipher is?"

"It's that thing in the Boss's head that lets her use Prothean crap, right?"

Tali winced under her mask. "More or less…anyway, Miranda thought that it would be a good idea if someone else had the Cipher as well…just in case."

"So what? The Cheerleader got her mind…ohhh," Jack nodded. "So, the Boss picked you and Vakarian over the Cheerleader and got the Asari to stick that stuff in your head?"

Tali laid back down. "Yes, and now I am sick, my head hurts, and when I close my eyes I see the Protheans being slaughtered by the Reapers. That is why, I need some rest, somewhere dark."

"Screw that. You need my Sunrise Special. I'll be right back." Jack left, mercifully leaving Tali alone.

Sadly the tattooed woman was back far too soon with something in a glass that looked horrific. "You know Vakarian's feeling just as crappy as you. He's actually under the mess table."

"That's because I got here first." Tali mumbled.

"Yeah, yeah. Serves me right for trying to find crap in the cargo hold to boost." Jack said. "Anyway drink this…however Quarians drink stuff. All in one gulp."

Tali sat up again and looked at the glass. "Ugh…Orange…what's in this?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know." Jack said. "Just drink it so you can feel better and get the fuck out of my spot."

Tali took the concoction and poured it into her feeding tube and downed it in one gulp. She gagged for a moment. "KEELAH! That is the most awful thing I've tasted in my life…and I've waded through Varren stool!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, you got a million stories. You good to walk?"

Tali actually found that her illness and headache had gone from debilitating to merely horrific. She pulled herself up, light didn't pierce her brain with endless force now. "Yeah…thanks Jack."

"Whatever Bobblehead. Get out of my place and go do whatever."

"Mmmph." She groaned as she started to walk away. She got to the first step when Jack called out.

"Hey Bobblehead. That mind thing. They tried that on us back in the facility. Stung like a motherfucker cause we fought it, each other, trying to keep our own brains together. How…" She paused and frowned. "How was it like with those two? Was it…" She paused again trying to say the words. "Was it nice?"

"Touching the mind of my two best friends in the galaxy? Connecting with a second to the people I'd trust no matter what?" Tali paused for a moment, remembering those two seconds before the horror of the Prothean Cypher and Beacon message burned into her brain. "Yeah, totally worth it."


End file.
